Crying Blood

Thu, 19 Nov 2009 15:28:20 GMT

There are times when I wish that I could dig a hole, climb in and be forgotten about.

heh.

LOL I want

Tue, 30 Jun 2009 23:20:41 GMT

http://shop.cafepress.com/design/33865428

The end & a new beginning

Sat, 20 Jun 2009 19:07:35 GMT

There are so many things I could say about you right now, so many horrible descriptions of who/how you are but I'm not going to be that person.
You aren't worth it and truthfully I'm done.
You wanted it this way, obviously.
Haven't put up a fight about keeping anything the same, haven't done anything that would lead me to believe otherwise, so you can have your perfect little family and fuck off.

Vacation

Thu, 18 Jun 2009 18:28:05 GMT

It officially starts tomorrow after work.
Unfortunately due to unforeseen car problems my Texas trip has been postponed for a month or two. :(
I'm bummed but on the bright side I still get to have 10days off work.
Haven't really decided all of what I'm doing, probably just couch surfing, drinking, possible trip to ohio for a night to a dance club I've been wanting to check out.
Did I mention tons and tons of sleep. :)

Amusing

Fri, 05 Jun 2009 04:44:59 GMT

Hellloooo

Fri, 29 May 2009 18:20:00 GMT

:) Blah. Blah. BLAH.

Something I'm feeling

Mon, 30 Mar 2009 05:56:36 GMT

you and only you know what this feels like
where its been and where its going
you try to let others in
so they can understand
but there isn't anything you can do or say
the beauty in not knowing
is they never had to feel the pain
of what understanding this would bring

how can you stand there
critizing me for living my life
not in expectation of that 'one day'
that will never come
it can't fix or mend the pain you've caused

twisting the truth
until you don't know which way is up
so confused about your decision
was it the right one or will you have to live with regret
either way you knew it would come to this
no turning back, you can't erase what is

letting go is a hard reality
but it is real
we're not the same as we used to be
let go, its time to move on.

So I've been poked to update :)

Mon, 02 Feb 2009 21:52:13 GMT

Life is getting less complicated.
I have a 14wk golden retriever who is sweet as can be (will post pics soon) and paying off bills.
Mostly trying to figure myself out, so stay tuned to see where I end up. :)
I hope everyone is well.

*hugs jacknife*

Bye all.

Growing up

Mon, 03 Nov 2008 20:39:49 GMT

I allowed myself to get to this point, knowingly put myself into this position, that no matter what happened the inevitable would be there to bite me in the ass.
*scoffs*
I find it amusing how I let it go this far, that everything I invested my dreams in would fall apart.
He has ruined me.
And I let it happen.

Sun, 12 Oct 2008 04:19:36 GMT

For those of you that care, I'm alive.

-E

Ah yes, I almost forgot

Wed, 08 Oct 2008 20:52:33 GMT

Well I fucked up.

I'm either going to be a lesbian or the bitter old lady with dogs (instead of cats).

Moving day is here....

Sun, 31 Aug 2008 19:21:27 GMT

Make it go away. :)

My bridal shower was yesterday, lots of presents and wonderful people.
His sister Mandy, his mom, grandmother, and aunt myrna were awesome.
I am truly blessed.

I'll update more later, must go to best buy, the boi wants to pick out a tv.

Later peeps.

-E

Craziness is a foot

Thu, 14 Aug 2008 19:15:57 GMT

The past four and a half months have flown by quicker than I thought they would.
Lance and I have been engaged since the end of March and I seriously thought that time would drag on and on.
Boy was I wrong.
The time is now for everything to be planned out, its coming together I just don't know if I'll survive, my head may pop off my shoulders.
Not only am I still planning the wedding but I have an appointment next wednesday for good old birth control, the following monday we view our apartment and sign, then that friday we pay for it/get the keys.
Then my Bridal Shower is that saturday (labor day weekend) and I move after that.
His grandparents 60th anniversary is Sept. 14th, then our wedding is two weeks later, Oct. 4th.
Why does it seem that I always set myself up for chaos? lol
His family has been great and mine have been supportive.
Its good to have sane people around in case you need them to shake you back into reality if you lose it temporarily.
Again, I may not survive, but I guess we shall see.

*head-desk*

P.s. MAJOR NEWS: With the help of my biological cousin Alison, we found my biological sister. :):):)
That was my only wish before I got married, was to find her, and now that I have I feel more complete than I would have ever expected. So happy. :)

Texas trip

Thu, 19 Jun 2008 16:51:48 GMT

I'm going to be visiting July 9th - 14th. :)
I hope to see a few of you then!

And all because he loves me that much. :*

ahem

Tue, 17 Jun 2008 03:07:12 GMT

I'm alive.

Will post more later.

Tue, 05 Feb 2008 04:40:22 GMT

I just got home from the Hospital visiting my friend Evan who was in a terrible accident today while at work. They did a cat scan, xrays of various parts that he said hurt, and after a long time of talking to him he finally agreed to stay the night for observation.
Rachael, his wife, and a close friend of mine as well, is so exhausted from today.
When we (lance & I) got the news today, I immediately fled for the hospital.
My first thought was to make sure he was ok, then to make sure she was.
Just wow.
He wasn't even supposed to be on the ambulance today, him nor Dave.
They were both scheduled to be on the fire truck.
That AND Evan usually drives the ambulance. *sigh*
I'm tired now and must go to sleep.

I hope everyone is having a better night that I am.

Nite.

News report:

http://www.theindychannel.com/news/15215239/detail.html

Mouth pain

Sun, 13 Jan 2008 20:24:13 GMT

So I'm almost 25 and I just had my wisdom teeth pulled; what a lovely experience.
Thursday after having to work half the day (on my day off!), I head to the dentist for 3 wisdom teeth to be extracted, 5 fillings, and a teeth cleaning (that I haven't had since I was 12, heh). The doctor is very nice and came recommended by Lance and his family.
I, was scared shitless. Again having had very little exposure to a dentist growing up and the only exposure that I can remember was having one of my molars pulled (which is why I only needed 3 teeth extracted), because I got a cavity and the tooth fell apart (at 16). So $1000 later my mouth is on the way to recovery.
He honestly gave me a great deal on everything, he apparently also did sealants which I didn't think was going to happen, I realized that it had a day later.
So the down fall to this whole experience? I found out that I have an impacted tooth, a mature tooth that never grew in, so I still have my baby tooth.
Its one of my front teeth.... so later in life when I feel like looking bucktoothed and want them to pull the baby tooth, have them do surgery to go in and locate the mature tooth, which then they would attach it to a 'button', which is attached to a chain, and then to braces which over a period of time would slowly pull it down into the slot where it should have gone to begin with.
*sigh* oi.
Oh well, need to take pain meds.

Hope every one is doing fine.

I'm happy...

Sat, 05 Jan 2008 05:40:12 GMT

& spoiled.

To my best friend

Wed, 07 Nov 2007 02:07:06 GMT

There are moments when things become clear.
So clear in fact, that clarity becomes blinding and you don't remember what it was you were looking at. Unmistakably so I have this secret, that only one other person knows.
You see, its this feeling that if you've ever felt it, you knew that what you were feeling was something that very few people are privileged to feel. You want to hold onto that feeling with both hands, afraid that it could slip right through your fingers.
But at the same time not squeezing too hard because it's a very delicate thing.
For someone to be able to reach into a place inside you that you never knew existed, its very terrifying I will admit, but at the same time you feel at ease knowing that they're feeling just as insecure as you, so for some strange reason it gives you a kind of peace, that you're not alone in it.
I will more than likely be marrying him next year and I can honestly say that he was meant for me.
Its kind of amusing because I can't help but think about what I was doing or even thinking with past relationships.
To think I could have settled and never experienced what I truly deserved.
For the most part all of my ex's are either married, had babies, or both. To think I could be them, and yes more than likely happy to a certain extent. However I don't believe I would have been completely happy.
He is so innocent, yet not. So giving, yet stands firm. So gentle, but so strong.
He has a maturity that most guys I've dated never even came close to. He is literally perfect for me, and I don't know how much I can stress the word perfect, but he is just that in every sense of the word.
As you can see I'm going on and on about lovie stuffs, it feels good to know that I have been with this man for almost 2yrs now, and for the most part has been completely perfect. And then to think of the relationship I had before him.
The long pain staking relationship with James, heh. It honestly blows me away every single time Lance does something for me even to the smallest degree, that honestly everyone deserves.
To not feel put out if you need/want to just be held (was a main problem with James). It just astounds me every time I think of where I was and where I am now. What I put up with and the wonderful way I'm cherished now.

I am so glad I finally grew up, to allow someone to love me and truly know that I deserve to be happy....

I do love you.
I do.

Me and Mines :)

Wed, 07 Nov 2007 01:30:33 GMT

Completely random

Tue, 14 Aug 2007 20:07:35 GMT

trapped in this place
you look around but there is no escape.
sheltered by what you thought you once knew
never thinking that they would betray you.
you're hurt beyond what you can bare
tired of being compared
or expected to share
not being worth the tears nor pain
so I bid farewell to you
from this day forward feel ashamed
you have no reason or excuse
none for the undeserved abuse
so go, I have better things to do than be misused.

Life, isn't it grand?

Sun, 12 Aug 2007 21:39:38 GMT

We saw Collective soul, Live, and Counting Crows.
Live was awesome. :)

We have tickets to see:
Ani Difranco next month.
The cure in Oct.(10th row center)
Tori Amos in Nov. (4th row center).

He wants me to go to see Mute Math with him in Ohio.
I'm debating it, dunno yet.

Overall I'm ok. Working a lot, I have a lot on my plate but then again when do I not eh?
I started a math class to refresh myself. Found out that I got above average scores in all subjects minus math which I loathe. I'm debating dental school so we'll see.
I chopped all my hair off, its kinda in a bob.
About it for now.

ta.ta.

heh.

Fri, 27 Jul 2007 20:23:34 GMT

Rain outside, trickling on the paved streets...
Supposed to go to a fair tonight, I wonder if it'll happen.
Until then work beckons me.

ta ta.

Counting the days...

Tue, 19 Jun 2007 01:42:14 GMT

Tool Concert in Ft. Wayne Indiana - 7th row seats to the right of the stage this Saturday (23rd)

I cannot tell you how happy I am. :) :) :) :)

Then next week I'll be in Ohio from thursday to sunday.
I desperately need a break from work, so as the days go by I'm getting happier and happier.

Tue, 08 May 2007 21:11:23 GMT

He took these when we went to see Vast in Indianapolis last month. He's a goof. :)
I love the last one.