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So many changes, too many. My heart feels broken for the unavoidable let down I had to inflict last week, and though I know that it was better to be honest, it still sucks.Trying to remember the life I had before happiness walked in and took over, sometimes it's good to compare where you are from where you've been. I never want to take my life, and those precious to me, for granted. I know they say life is what you make of it and I have to respectfully disagree to an extent. Life, this one and only one you're given, it does things to you and continues to test your ability to cope. I cannot be brought down by life unless I choose to allow it, and I choose to say a humble fuck you. :)

Tangled web

I'm trying to keep it together but it's becoming increasingly harder lately.
Seeing myself out of college, with my daughter grown, having the career I've wanted for so long; all while being loved by my wonderful husband.

There's a huge difference between budgeting time and spreading yourself too thin, and I do believe I've met that limit, as well as create my own way of coping with it.
Dissassociating from emotion, sometimes even reality, just to push through.
That seems to be my constant.

I need a vacation.

Hello journal..

It's been awhile. :)

Nov. 19th, 2009

There are times when I wish that I could dig a hole, climb in and be forgotten about.


LOL I want

The end & a new beginning

There are so many things I could say about you right now, so many horrible descriptions of who/how you are but I'm not going to be that person.
You aren't worth it and truthfully I'm done.
You wanted it this way, obviously.
Haven't put up a fight about keeping anything the same, haven't done anything that would lead me to believe otherwise, so you can have your perfect little family and fuck off.


It officially starts tomorrow after work.
Unfortunately due to unforeseen car problems my Texas trip has been postponed for a month or two. :(
I'm bummed but on the bright side I still get to have 10days off work.
Haven't really decided all of what I'm doing, probably just couch surfing, drinking, possible trip to ohio for a night to a dance club I've been wanting to check out.
Did I mention tons and tons of sleep. :)



:) Blah. Blah. BLAH.

Something I'm feeling

you and only you know what this feels like
where its been and where its going
you try to let others in
so they can understand
but there isn't anything you can do or say
the beauty in not knowing
is they never had to feel the pain
of what understanding this would bring

how can you stand there
critizing me for living my life
not in expectation of that 'one day'
that will never come
it can't fix or mend the pain you've caused

twisting the truth
until you don't know which way is up
so confused about your decision
was it the right one or will you have to live with regret
either way you knew it would come to this
no turning back, you can't erase what is

letting go is a hard reality
but it is real
we're not the same as we used to be
let go, its time to move on.